My Analogies of Addiction: Tornado

I have been asked countless times the same questions by so many people. Why can I not just stop? When my life started to spiral out of control what made me continue to indulge? When I was sued for hitting a parked car why wasn’t that the last straw? When I had ten and a half months of sobriety and my life was rapidly changing for the better, why would I go back out? What is making you continue to relapse?

All of the above are very valid questions I admit for anyone battling addiction. If I had the answers, I could have saved myself a lot of heartbreak, embarrassment, time and money. Since I cannot provide an adequate answer maybe I can describe how it feels to me and you can better understand. One analogy that resonates with me is a tornado. A tornado best symbolizes the prelude to the journey I went through to become an addict and how my life spiraled out of control.

Every tornado begins with an explosive storm full of thunder, lightning and strong winds. Seeing the storm on the horizon is just like watching my father, uncles and others enjoy drinking. Never realizing that they are trapped in their own storm. Lightning represents the excitement which you could say is electric that you feel while the serotonin in your brain is increasing. The thunder that occurs shortly after represents when the buzz begins to hit you. The stronger your buzz gets the stronger the thunderclaps are. The strong winds remind me of not being able to walk straight. If you have ever walked while there was a strong side wind you should understand what I mean.

During this time, I was using once in a while, maybe every other weekend or so and socially with friends at parties. This is the stage where things were still fun and not negatively affecting my life. It is uncertain at this point whether the storm will spawn a tornado and that I will eventually turn into an alcoholic.

After that the funnel cloud begins and that’s when the possibility increases for a destructive storm to form and cause major damage. Once you begin to see the funnel cloud the rotation has already begun. In order for you to understand this analogy you must understand the cycle most addicts go through. The top of the tornado is the biggest part of the funnel, so it takes the most time to make a full rotation. A lot of times addicts go through the same things multiple times during their addiction and eventually everything comes full circle. For example, I wrecked a car and as the funnel continued to rotate, I got a D.U.I. a year later etc. Basically, it was hard to tell that I truly had a serious problem brewing within me because of the large gaps in time between incidents.

As my alcohol intake increased to daily, the funnel was getting lower and lower to the ground. The tighter the rotation the less gaps in time between incidents. Blacking out, legal issues, and more began happening with greater regularity. I started to notice certain negative patterns, but I was not willing to stop yet. Firstly, the funnel had not touched the ground yet, secondly, I felt I was in too deep and lastly, I was not ready to stop.

Now the funnel has touched the ground, and the destruction has begun. The strongest winds are at the bottom and the rotation is as tight as it can be. Now all the incidents were occurring back-to-back within months or less. Multiple DUI’s, car crashes, losing my car and jobs, getting sued and much more. It was like every day there was something happening to me or others because of my reckless behavior. I could not control myself just like a tornado cannot be controlled. It must run its course unabated. My life spiraled out of control and became unmanageable.

This analogy should help answer some of the questions I stated prior and if you have an open mind and truly want to understand addiction this should help. The same way a tornado may form from a storm spontaneously is the same way a person can become an addict. All it takes is the right ingredients. The sad part is I did not recognize the amount of damage until the tornado was gone and the destruction left in its wake overwhelmed me. Now it is time to clean up the rubble and just like a natural disaster it will take more than me to restore my life.